The Superiority of Sexular Morality

Do you like sex? Sure. We all do.

In the last post, I talked about secular morality, and I think this heartwarming Facebook-image bait pretty much sums it up.

What all this really boils down to is simple. Don’t do bad shit to people. And we know what’s bad, ’cause it’s bad. But all of that bad talk about bad things is so negative! Instead, let’s talk about what’s good. Real good.

Sex. Sex is good. And why is it good? Well, I’m no scientist, but as far as I’m aware, it’s good ’cause living is good, and dying is bad, and the more sex we have, the more babies we make, and the more our genes live on. So better sex is sex that is more sex rather than less sex.


“But wait!” you interject, “What the hell is this ‘sexular’ thing? Is sex really something that’s moral or amoral?”

I’m glad you asked. See, generally morality focuses on what’s wrong. “Is murder moral? Is adultery moral?” But no one ever asks, “Are back rubs moral? Are birthdays moral? Is pizza moral?”

We need more conversations about theses good things when discussing heavy topics as morality. That’s why we should talk about sexular morality — the morality of things that are amazing — and why we all need to be doing them all the time forever and ever without end.



Secular Morality — Solved

secular-moralityI’ve been hearing a lot about morality, and whether or not one can have morality without a god. But you know what? This debate is just plain silly. And you know it’s silly. So let’s all just calm down and put this to bed right now.

I’m going to tell you a little story about a man named Josh. Josh is a pretty unremarkable dude. He lives a pretty normal life. Occasionally he does laundry. But sometimes he doesn’t.

One day, Josh siphels your mother.

This upsets you. Your mother will never be the same. All of those amazing brownies she used to bake? You know the ones with the walnuts? Welp, they’re gone. ’Cause she’s not longer capable of baking them. And your father was naturally so distraught over this, that he hung himself in the basement.


So, is sipheling moral? You don’t know what sipheling is. I don’t know what sipheling is. But is it moral?

No. The answer is no. Obviously it’s no. And because you didn’t know what it was, you had to use your brain to figure it out.

Secular morality!

So, there we have it. The illusive question of morality has been answered! And we didn’t need god at all! He can just keep chilling on some magical beach somewhere, sipping mineral water and not having to worry about writing us a memo every time we have to wonder if we’re being a dick or not.